Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
