I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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