I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
