This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
