im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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