I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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