FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
