Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
