True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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