So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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