when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
