please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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