Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
