Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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