New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
