isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
