it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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