It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
