I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
