my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
