I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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