We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
