I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
