i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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