k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
