Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
