Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
