I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
