no you cant smoke seaweed
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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