the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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