theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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