these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't turn off my feet"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
