Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up under a house in Key West
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