I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
