we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
