my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
