I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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