I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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