I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
