i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
