sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
