dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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