I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
