Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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