I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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