Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
