I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
