ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
