that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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