Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
