I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
